M1godd3ss

How do I control the anger?

2009-05-18T11:11:37Z

I am angry, it is seven am and I am up. I was planning on getting up by now but not planning on being awakened at 6:30 by a screaming mother because I forgot to set out her early pills. It isn't like I have ever forgotten to give her the damn meds. She goes on and on to everyone she knows about how good I take care of her, but she can't let me have 20 minutes leeway in the morning. Especially after she got me up at 2:45 am to put cream on her but. I am not a nurse, not a healthcare professional, in fact I am fucking unemployed and what do I get for my trouble?? Constant nagging about money and every god damn other thing under the sun. This is maddning. She used to say when we were teenagers and we took care of my grandpa "If I ever get like that, shoot me" well it is time for the fucking gun. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother but damn it!! I have been living here for what 9 months and since February when she got really sick I have given her her meds every day and I get her up and I get her dressed, sometimes i even get to dress her and what do I get now? "I didn't want to wake you but I was having a dream" " I didin't mean to wake you but you didn't get my pills ready" "Do you want to get me some underwear?" No Ma I thought we would go to the doctors office in our skivy's today just for fun. I don't know how anyone does this every day, and I don't know how much longer I can take it.

Writer's Block: Same Name

2009-05-18T10:59:47Z

Have you ever met or known someone who has the same name as you (first and last) but is not a relative?

View 501 Answers

I have not met them personally but have been confused with them on more than one occasion. At that pharmacy, they tried to bill my prenatel vitamins to her, we both had the same Obstetrician. In college, I paid for another girls books with my grants, I got it straightened out so I could buy my own books. I later met that girls mother at Social Services, she was my caseworker. Not so strange with a name like Lisa Williams. The really strange one is a girl who has my same maiden name, Lisa LaClair. I don't know if we have the same middle name though.????

What dreams may come

2009-05-18T05:12:40Z

It has been a long time since I wrote in this journa. Mostly because I was ridiculously happy. What a sham that was. I fell in love, real honest no good reason to be there love. I thouhgt I had been in love before, I mean I was married, I was engaged after my divorce, but this was a feeling I had never felt before. He is the most thoughtful, kind, sweet gentleman I had ever known. He never called me names or tried to make me feel bad, he never threw things at me, he never cheated on me or lied to me. I don't think I will ever meet another man like him. So what happened? He doesn't love me. The way he treats me, the way he looks at me it feels like he loves me, but he said it is not forever. I was devestated, but I have been able to carry on because we still see each other and have sex. The strangest part, the part that makes me know for sure that I love him, I don't want to be with anyone else.
So I decided that 14 months was long enough after the breakup to start considering moving on. I got a message from a guy on a nudie website I belong to. I get lots of messages and usually I ignore them, but I checked out his profile and he seemed interesting so I responded. We e-mailed back and forth for a couple weeks, and we finally met last Wednesday. I am physically interested, the first time I have been physically interested in a man since I met Joe. But I am still hung up on Joe. I still love him. I still want him. I have to tell him that I am going to date other guys, and give him the chance to say that he does love me and he wants me forever. I know that won't happen but I can hope. Anyway I needed a place to vent all this where no one will see it, at least not anyone I know or who knows me. Then I remembered I havd a lifejournal. So I will be fillin
I have to get up in the am and take Mom to the doctor, so I will fill this in later.

Art

2005-05-14T02:36:18Z

I finally got with my favorite photographer. I can't wait to see the photos. It was wonderful. He made me feel so comfortable. So beautiful. Understand, I am not a thin beautiful model type, but I felt like one that night. I am never comfortable in my nakedness, but I was that night. I forgot all the little flaws that I usually obsess about. It seemed completely natural to be with him. I wish I had more time.

Longing

2005-05-14T02:27:28Z

Longing to be with you,
patient, but not now
waiting, wanting
Loins aching for you

Longing for your presence
missing your smile
thinking of your touch
Tomorrow is not soon enough

Long Days

2005-04-24T14:48:13Z

This has been a great weekend. I spent Friday night with some old friends, we drank and talked. It was great to see them. They are just great people, I am so jealous of their relationship, but it gives me faith in the fact that there are people out there who belong together. I had a great time, they are always so good to me. Saturday I got to see my new friend. It seems that no matter how much we get to see each other, it is not enough. I don't want to leave, but I have to. I have looked at it realistically, we are not a perfect couple, he will want more someday, but until then he is so much fun to play with. I need to go see my Masseuse soon. I have not seen him in about 6 weeks and he is getting lonely. It is not that I mind seeing two men in one day, but not these two. Well maybe but I would have to see the Masseuse first. Maybe next weekend I can go spend some time with him. I can't remember what I have to do next weekend. I wish I had more time during the week to see my friends, but I can't do it with my schedule right now. Oh well, June is fast approaching and then I will have more time to "play".

m1g0dd3ss @ 2005-02-03T21:37:00

2005-02-04T02:39:03Z

I have been so horny lately, it is killing me. I work in a predominantly male field, men everywhere, and I can't have any of them. I just want all of them. Makes it difficult to concentrate on work sometimes.

Busy Weekend Ahead

2005-01-13T10:21:11Z

Friday, have to work until 5, then home to change. Then me and a couple of friends are heading to see Throttlebody at the Blind Pig. Meeting a few friends their, it should be a great night. I may have to find a place to crash instead of driving home though.......
Saturday I have to work until 11:30 then heading to Pontiac for my girl's birthday party. If it is anything like last year, I am going to have to find a place to crash Saturday night too!!! My man from the south might come pick me up. It is great to have friends, he will drive an hour to pick me up when I drink too much, just because he likes spending time with me. Isn't that crazy!!! Course, I am the crazy one, I will drive an hour just to take a nap at his house cause he relaxes me so much. Anyway, the weekend will rock, now if only I had some money.....

m1g0dd3ss @ 2005-01-01T04:01:00

2005-01-01T09:08:42Z

With luck, 2005 will be a better year. Hmmm. 2004 lost my job, destroyed my credit, lost my house, got my first ever traffic citation, banged up my car. Not such a good year. On the other hand, I made some new friends, got a new job, and started to realize what is really important in life. So maybe it was not so bad after all. 2005 will be a better year....because I can see things more clearly now. I wish anyone who reads this happiness, and peace in the new year.

m1g0dd3ss @ 2004-12-26T10:36:00

2004-12-26T15:40:16Z

Life has been so hard. Somedays I just wish it would end. I am going to lose my house, which means living with Mom. Not a bad thing really, just depressing. I have come so far only to be thrown back to the beginning. I guess it is a blessing in disguise. I just feel like such a failure. Keep smiling, there are people in the world much worse off than me. I have a family that loves me, I have friends who care. I am blessed. That is my new mantra, I am blessed, I am blessed, I am blessed. Sometimes what seems like the worst thing in the world at the moment turns out to be the best thing that could have happened in the future. I am blessed.

m1g0dd3ss @ 2004-11-21T01:00:00

2004-11-21T06:01:00Z

You Are From the Moon

You can vibe with the steady rhythms of the Moon.
You're in touch with your emotions and intuition.
You possess a great, unmatched imagination - and an infinite memory.
Ultra-sensitive, you feel at home anywhere (or with anyone).
A total healer, you light the way in the dark for many.

What Planet Are You From?

Yeah Right

2004-10-21T05:43:38Z

So when a guy tells you your beautiful, that he loves spending time with you and that he thinks you are some kind of dream, that really means, I am tired of paying for your damn drinks, when are we going to have sex. I did not realize this, even though I have been around the block about 400 times. Sad to believe in someone when all they want is a fuck. If I had known all that we could have been fuckin all along. I made the mistake of thinking that he was being honest, and that he really did want to be my friend. I can't imagine what made me believe all the bullshit. Maybe I just really needed a friend. So what to do now??? Ignore him even though I can't get him out of my mind? Just give him a blow job and send him on his way? Try to understand his point of view and be more aggressive sexually? I just don't know. What I do know is that I don't think I ever want to believe a man, at least not without editing everything he says in my head and making it end up in sex. You know, when he says that I am beautiful, just mind edit it into something like "I think you are beautiful when you are naked beneath me", and if he says "I love spending time with you" I could mind edit it into "I would love spending time with your mouth on my cock". Hmm, yeah right.

m1g0dd3ss @ 2004-10-06T07:39:00

2004-10-06T11:45:54Z

So much for love at first sight. Last week he couldn't get enough of me. I talked to him every day, I got at least one e-mail from him every day, now I haven't gotten an e-mail since friday, wait there was the one that said, running late, write more later. Phone conversations are weird, and strained. I don't know him very well, I don't know if he is just tired and busy, or if he is angry with me. What I do know is that he is like an addiction and I can't get my fix, it is driving me nuts. I guess I just have to wait and see, maybe things will work out, if not, then I will go back to being sad. After a long and painful withdrawl period. I swear, being addicted to men is the worst addiction I have ever felt.

Smiling Eyes

2004-10-03T11:36:41Z

I met this guy and I am totally addicted. We met through e-mail and there was some weird kind of connection. Then he took me out to a nice dinner, and we talked like we had been friends for decades. Turns out, I have probably met him on at least 4 different occasions in my life, we have all of these places in common. It is strange to really meet someone, who subconciously you have known for almost 25 years. It seems that many of the places in my life that held an important role for me, you know teen-age hang outs, first long term job, neighborhood I live in, he has been there. I just did not know it. He even resembles the imaginary friend from my childhood, and he has the same name. I am starting to believe that God knew we were suppose to be together, but he just waited until the right time. Or maybe I am just crazy. All I know is that I have sent him 3 e-mails in the last 24 hours, and he is very busy and has not had time to respond, so even though I want to send him another message, I am trying to be not so needy. It is very difficult. So I am writing here instead. It is so crazy to like someone so much when I hardly know him.

m1g0dd3ss @ 2004-09-17T01:39:00

2004-09-17T05:40:02Z


Marriage is love.

Love at first sight

2004-09-15T12:56:56Z

I believe in love at first sight. I believe that certain people produce a chemical reaction in each others brains that causes euphoria. I have even experienced it myself, although it was a while ago, and sadly nothing came of it. What about love at first thought though. Can a persons presence be so strongly connected to another persons that even just a simple e-mail causes that same euphoria?? I am beginning to wonder. You see I met this person, I am in no position to be meeting prince charming, but then it would seem that I did. From the first e-mail I got from him, I felt connected. Then when I met him for the first time, it was like we had known each other for years. We clicked immediately, we were able to talk freely and I felt like I was flying, euphoric. Every time I see him it is the same way, and now it is even happening when I think about him. I can't get enough of him. I am a little freaked out by the whole situation, but it feels so good I cannot stop. I feel like an addict.

I forgot

2004-08-22T13:56:20Z

There was this other guy. We actually went to school together. He was emailing me everyday. So finally I went to his house. Gave him a blow job. He was quite well endowed, I was looking forward to getting a piece of that. So yeah, since then he has sent me one e-mail. That was not very nice.

New Adventures

2004-08-22T13:48:10Z

So I met this guy. We met on the internet, emailed a bit and then met for dinner. It is strange, I feel like I have known him all my life. It turns out I almost have. We have been crossing paths for almost 25 years. He isn't really great lookin, but I was very attracted to him. I was trying my hand at not having sex the first time we met. I did really good. After dinner we were sitting talking and the fire alarm went off in the restaurant. It was a false alarm, but weird. Then he walked me to my car, and he was leaning on this SUV parked next to me. He pulled me in for a kiss, and the damn thing started up. Neither one of us noticed the driver getting into the vehicle. It was another strange thing. The whole evening was strange. The whole time I was thinking, if you invite me to your place, I will go. But he was being a gentleman. What the hell is that all about. I have never in my whole life gone out with a gentleman. Wait yes I have. Two of them. One got tired of waiting and has a new girl now. The other I still see whenever I get the chance. He is a gentleman when we are togehter, but the fact that he seduced someone who he knew had a boyfriend kills his gentleman title. Anyway. Things are sure getting strange around here.

All Day I Dream About Sex

2004-08-13T01:26:52Z

The things in my head today. I have been talking to a guy I went to High School with. I never really knew him in High School, and now the things we are talking about, well lets just say I wish I had known him in High School. I am going to go and fix his computer, and maybe fix some other difficulties while I am there. He has already promised to spank me because I am so hard on myself. I just don't see myself as attractive, I think I am way too fat. He says "Let me decide what I like" so I told him that I will not put myself down to him anymore. I will look at his computer, and then he can give me my spanking, then we will see what pops up. I am thinking we may have to trade some oral pleasure. If we do you will be the first to know. I will tell you it is all I think about. Him and the other guy and that one dude and a couple of friends of mine, and him that guy I just met yesterday. Sometimes it is hard to be so horny.

I am not worthy

2004-08-11T07:09:34Z

So I have this friend. He is very talented, very sexy. Not just attractive that word does not work to describe him. Everything about him is sexy. His actions, his attitude, his vision, his look, his voice.........just everything. He is just sexy. His talent is undeniable. Someday he will be one of those people that you say, I knew him when. So here is my problem. I have a very low self-esteem problem. I don't feel like I am worthy to call myself his friend. I wonder what I could possibly bring to his life. I wonder why someone as wonderful and special as he would want to be friends with me. I guess I am just lucky to know him. I am glad to know him, and lucky very lucky. Life is good

m1g0dd3ss @ 2004-07-21T19:17:00

2004-07-21T23:19:29Z

I start work again tomorrow. It may only be for a few weeks, but at least I will be working for a little bit, and it could work into a long term thing. I have been having crazy sex dreams again. Sometimes they turn me on, but sometimes when they won't go away they can be very disturbing. I will describe them in another post.

Hello its me

2004-07-16T13:15:28Z

It has been quite a while since I posted in this journal. I have been sort of out of it. Not sleeping well, not really doing anything well. I made myself go out last weekend, and I feel a lot better. I went to a folk festival with two guys. We camped in a field, and they spoiled me terrible. They did the cooking, and the cleaning up. They made me drinks and walked with me where ever I wanted to go. We saw some really good bands. There was a reggae group from Marquette called Ignorant Mob, and a French Canadian/Celtic group from Manitoba called The Duhks, I really enjoyed them. My friend even bought me a CD. I got to see Larry McCray play an accoustic set, and electric and Damn is he good. He has a young harmonica player with him named Sunny. She is only about 15 years old, but she can play the blues like nothing I have ever heard. All in all it was a fun weekend. Now I am off to get a massage, I haven't had one in about two weeks, and my loins are aching.

That is about how I feel today

2004-05-17T00:44:22Z

LJ Barcode

Digital Age

2004-05-13T18:15:03Z

I went and bought a digital camera, no I cannot afford it, but it was a good deal. I wanted it for my trip to Chicago next week. I will be glad I have it. Last year the Chicago trip cost me about 100 dollars in film developing so the digital camera will save me lots of money. Really looking forward to Medieval Times. Good food and all.

Not a bad day

2004-05-03T17:06:01Z

I had a dream yesterday. It involved a friend of mine, and someone else that I do not know who it was, only that it was a woman. In my dream I was blind-folded, and my hands were tied. I was being treated to some wonderful sensations, and I didn't know who was doing what to me. Only that there were hands all over me, and I was being licked to orgasm. I woke up sweating and I had to take care of the built up tension. It was quick too, which is odd for me. I did like the dream, it was very erotic. I think it is time for a visit to my therapist, he can make all the tension melt away, and he leaves me satisfied for days. I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks, so it must be time. Maybe tomorrow.